I wish I could say that it’s been a busy few days and that’s why I haven’t posted in over a week. I wish I could say it’s because I’ve been out and having fun and haven’t had a chance to catch my breath. Well, I haven’t been able to catch my breath… but it’s because…
My doctor has given me the diagnosis that I have early acute Bronchitis. I have been given antibiotics and an inhaler to help with the coughing. I was taken off of work for a couple of days and struggling the days that I have been working. My diaphragm feels as though it is bruised from coughing so much. So I’ve been literally going to work, coming home, napping, and eating ice cream for the past week now. Besides for trips to Sobeys to get more ice cream, I haven’t been anywhere else in the past week.
Work, Sobeys, Home. That’s pretty much it. I have missed pool, my friend’s going away party, a Film Festival screening I was invited to, pretty much any social interaction. Pool? Because my diaphragm aches, and the bending just makes the coughing erupt to the point that I cannot stop it. The party? Scared my cough would be rather annoying and I didn’t want to spend the evening coughing in people’s faces. The film festival? Thought my cough would be distracting and annoying.
So I’ve been home. Catching up on some movie watching, hanging out with my kitty, my nephew kept me company all weekend. It’s been quiet. That’s been my past week. Sounds great eh?
For me… well…
I have been both restless and numb. Restless in the sense that I feel as though I’ve been missing out. Restless in the fact that I feel as though I have been useless this past couple of days. I’m not one to miss work. In the past 7 years this is the third time I’ve called in sick. I typically work through losing my voice or coughing fits. However, this is the first job I’ve had that’s been 100% talking the entire time. So when I’m coughing through the talking it’s affecting my shot at giving 100% at my job so I know it’s better to stay home.
I’ve been numb. Numb in the sense that I don’t want to move. Numb in the fact that I’m happy to have an excuse to sit, not think, not do. Not even talk. Just sit in silence and not even notice that time has passed. That’s what I have been told to do. Rest and take it easy. But it doesn’t even feel like rest. It feels like I’m opting out and leaving my body for a while. My body is an empty shell, and I don’t know where my soul has gone. I don’t feel rested. I feel just as tired as ever.
It’s easy to let myself drift. At times, lying on my back and letting the current take control; let it balance me, keep me afloat, letting it make the choice of what I do or where I go. Just to close my eyes and ride the waves. I’m so comfortable riding the waves that I don’t want to swim. I don’t want to fight the waves anymore. But to get back to shore, to get back to life, ya gotta get up and swim.
While I’m sick, I’m going to spend the time riding the waves. But once my diaphragm stops hurting, I’m getting back to my life.