Saturday! Saturday! Saturday! Saturday night’s alright!!
Thank you Elton John.
I’m watching the Toronto Maple Leafs battle the Buffalo Sabers on the TV this Saturday night with S.O. This mean it is an ideal time to write a blog post! Right?
Over the past couple of days I’ve been catching up on some blog posts from The Seeds 4 Life while at work. As I have said in the past, this website is filled with gems that really leave an impact on my heart. I’ve been reading them at work to kill time throughout the day when I’m idle. It’s a break from the news websites (of which there isn’t anything overly exciting) and definitely much more upbeat. Some of the previous entries are really the inspiration for tonight’s blog post.
It’s a topic that bleeds through my blog and one that I have written about in the past countless times. However, it is a topic that I almost have to repeat to myself over and over until I actually believe it. And, in turn, perhaps will sound like a broken record. Despite that, I feel that we need more positive forces in our life and if that makes me sound like a dumb optimist… well, that’s kinda the point here!
A lot of the posts that I have been reading through The Seeds 4 Life over the past few days have come back to a similar topic. Self-love, fighting negativity, and pursuing what you need in life. So I’ve been writing notes from these posts and adding some myself and I wanted to share this with you.
So why don’t we pursue our dreams? Our desires? What stops us from hoping and wishing? Why do we have these negative ideals that we do not deserve what we want? These are some arguments that I’ve made with myself countless times:
- Guilt for being selfish: I can’t go for what I want. I have others around me that depend on me for certain things. I would feel so guilty to throw all of that away to pursue what I want. I would rather others around me to be happy. Their happiness will make me happy… right?
- Ashamed of our desires; do not want to admit them out loud: My dreams are silly. There’s no way I will be able to achieve them. Even if I wanted to, it’s ridiculous. Either I cannot admit them, or if I do, people will be ashamed of me.
- These dreams cannot be obtained: There are so many obstacles that are in my way. There is always something that comes up that stops me from going for what I want. So why bother?
- Unsure that you even deserve to be happy: I’m a terrible person. I don’t deserve to have anything.
- Fear of failure: What if I go for what I want and don’t get it? If I give it my all and it isn’t good enough I will be devastated. I will upset myself and upset those around me. I couldn’t live with myself if that were to happen.
As you can see, to some, these descriptions are quite silly, irrational thoughts that perhaps sound completely ridiculous. To others, they are the thoughts that run through their minds time and time again. I’ve been quite open through this blog about my desires. However, there are many people in my life that I have not spoken to about some desires. Not because I’m ashamed of them, but the fear that those around me will feel ashamed of me. If I fail, if I go against what they want for me, I will not be able to come back from it.
So how does one fight these thoughts? How can you fight these negative ideals that have burrowed themselves deeply into your psyche? It takes work. It takes practice. It takes strength. I would compare it to rewiring the inside of an intricate computer, completely complicated but with the right tools, knowledge, support, and willpower, doable.
Before you even begin to start the rewiring process you have to be ready to say to yourself. I am ready. You need that willpower. Quitting negative thinking is like quitting any negative habit, it takes work and willpower. If you have doubts you will slip. If you are scared to slip, know that, like with quitting anything, there is a chance of relapse. It is easy for your mind to slip and much faster than making it to a vice that quenches other habits. When that happens, you just need to know the tools to help fight it.
There are countless tools out there, but it’s important to find the right tools for you. The tools that work for me are writing based (surprise, surprise…). They are ones I learned through my therapy as well as the group that I attended regarding coping with depression with my own little twist. I’m sure I have written about them in the past but I will bring them up again:
- Catching the Thought: that negative remark you just said or thought, why’d you make it? Not sure?? write it down. Then, really, REALLY, take that thought and break it down.
- What’s the benefit?: This negative belief you have, how is that benefiting you right now? What is the advantage of keeping this belief? What is the disadvantage? Is it a good idea to continue to even believe this?
- Fiction or Realistic?: This thought you have… is this even relevant or realistic? Is it even worth giving the time of day to this idea?
- Deep Impact: Why do you even care? Why does this thought have such a large impact on your life?
- Weigh the Consequences: What’s the worse that can happen? How will you feel if you never even try?
For me, answering these questions are tough. Deciphering the negative thoughts from the realistic thoughts can be challenging. And I admit, some days I am fine, sometimes I go through the cycle of this fight daily right from trying to relapse to trying again all within the course of minutes or hours. This is when it is okay to reach out to your support systems. Whether that is friends and family, your medical provider, therapist, or even through an online community, they are there to speak to, vent to, hold you as you cry, or just help you forget about it for a while (while knowing that you cannot let much time pass before you have to face the issue head on).
But with the knowledge of the truth, the truth that you are awesome and capable of so much more than what you give yourself credit for, is one that you have to keep at the forefront of your battle. Your dreams, your desires, your hopes, they will come to fruition when you accept that you are awesome, you deserve them, and you are ready to fight for them.
As for me, well, it’s a daily fight. A play-by-play at times. I have the want to be better. For me, for S.O., for my future. I wish I could say I was working very hard to fight in the battle against my negative thoughts. It is tough and can be emotionally exhausting. With that said, I have the tools, I have the support, I know that I am friggin’ awesome. So now it’s just to start believing it.
Well, that’s enough from this particular peanut gallery for one night. Here are some of the links to the blog posts from The Seeds 4 Life that inspired a lot of this entry.
Time to bid adieu.
Cheers and Stay Smiling.