Watch yo mouth!

It’s amazing what has become a part of every day speech. I really wasn’t sure what I was going to write about today until this morning.

I am working part-time at the retail job I’ve had for over 6 years now while I’m finding a full time position. It’s something to get me through. So the weather outside was frightful, and the blankies were so delightful but since I had work and I had to go, it snowed enough to make a mess as it usually does! Hahaha. Did you like that one? 🙂

There was a storm warning in effect for my area for today. However, there was some overestimating the amount of snow that was going to fall. Everyone was hoping for a snow day. It did not happen. So I pulled on my big girl pants and was quickly ready for work.

snow-day

However, because of the horrible weather it kept people away from the mall. For me, the morning was great. We received stock so I unpacked and organized it so it would be ready to run for the staff later in the day. It was only a short shift, it pretty much took the full time I was there. For the others on the floor, I’m guessing it was a little slower.

While I was cluing up with the stock my assistant manager came out back and just out of the blue says something that, because of my past, really angers me.

“Can I kill myself?”

I’m like “what?”

“Can I kill myself?”

“No. That’s actually not very funny.”

“I don’t care.”

banana

I’m someone who keeps my personal life, well, personal. Besides for this blog, really the only people that I speak to about my past, unless they ask, is my partner and my counselor. So this young girl has no idea that my grandfather plus a family friend committed suicide. I have a friend that has scars on their arms from cutting.

I sometimes say when I’m tired or in pain, “Take me now God!” Which I think is actually a line from a movie… (I have no original thoughts. It could actually be from The Simpsons) Or sometimes I have my fingers in a gun like position and put it to my temple.  So perhaps I’m no better.

When I hear someone “joking” about suicide it just really brings back memories of my grandfather. I can’t speak of one without thinking about the other. It breaks my heart that when I think of my grandfather this is the thought that corresponds with his memory.

It just goes back to how casually phrases have slipped into our every day speech without even a thought of what exactly you’re saying. I wrote an article back in April about casual sexism in every day speech which I see correlates with what I’m writing about today. People say phrases that are so ingrained into our speech that we don’t even give it a second thought.

stick

When my A.M said this to me I just clenched my teeth and continued to do my work. I feel as though she was in a bad mood all round just from the vibes I was getting from her today. I know we were all hoping for a snow day, but that didn’t happen and there is work to be done.

If anything comes from this entry today, it’s just think before you speak. Just for a quick second. This is something I definitely have to work on. You never know who is around you and you never know what emotions you will invoke.

Well, that’s enough for me for one day. I guess it’s time to bid you adieu.

Cheers and Stay Smiling!

DO.

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