Happy Sunday! It is I, DumbOptimist! A humble human. I’m coming to you from the food court. I read the bus schedule wrong, so now I have to wait an half hour for the next bus. Ah loser cruiser. You and your craziness.
Readers, I have touched on this topic before, but it’s something I want to explore through a little deeper. And that is the word “should”.
“You should be doing that!”
“This is what you should do.”
And my personal favorite,
“This is how you should feel!”
Should equals this is what is expected of you. Should has the connotation that this is the way things are preferred, and if you go against it, you’re going against the expectation.
For example, an incident happens at work and the associate is blamed. The reason being, then should know better. Or they should have beer trained better. There is blame on the associate. There is also blame on the training staff. Instead of blaming who was in the wrong, this moment could be use it as a moment to teach them how to do it right the next time.
The reason I stress about the word “should” is because at one point in my life it was one of the most used words in my vocabulary. I had, and still have, expectations that I feel I “should” be achieving. Others around me have expectations of how I “should” act or feel.
When I began counselling my original counsellor had given me the idea to work on catching the word “should” when I am speaking and actually think about why I am using the word. My new counsellor actually started tallying how much I used the word. He really has me thinking about why?
Why should I? Really. Why should I?
So when someone says to me that I should feel or think a certain way, I take a second to actually think why they are saying this.
My partner has said to me countless times over the years that I shouldn’t feel depressed or anxious. If he says it now I yell at him that should is a bad word. Worse than my favorite curse words. I am even starting to catch the word before I say it out loud and change how I say something to make it a little less harsh. That is a big accomplishment for me.
Instead of telling myself I shouldn’t feel or do something, I’m really trying to question why I feel this way or want to do it in the first place. Blame leads to guilt, guilt leads to anxiety which brings is back into the vicious circle of feeling depressed.
What I have learned?
Should = expectation
One cannot always live up to the expectations of those around you. More importantly, sometimes you have to identify the true expectations for yourself and say that sure, these are my goals. I will work my hardest to achieve them. I will take the obstacles in my path and beat them my way. I will not let anything keep me down or make me question my goals. But, like in hockey, sometimes you miss the net, but when you get that goal and that buzzer goes off, it is a fantastic feeling.
So why should I?
Because I want to!
Alright folks, that’s all from this DumbOptimist. Sorry I didn’t post last week, it has been a busy few days with work. I’m hoping to start posting on Tuesdays from here on in so keep checking back to keep up with my escapades of making the most of this life! Time to bid you adieu!
Cheers and Stay Smiling!