“I Just Want to Fly!” 

The Waiting Room

Happy Wednesday!  As you may have noticed, I try to make a blog post every Wednesday.  It’s hump day.  I’ve seen and can predict the week. I actually have the day off today! Awesome right? Unless you’re spending it in the doctor’s office.

The doctor. He’s looking out for me right?

I wish that I could feel the progress that I have been making over the past year.  There are days I do, days I am trying to take a realistic approach to the world. Days I fight the negative thinking and smack them away with my metaphorical bat.

Then there are days like yesterday, the days I feel antisocial, the days that I have my partner scared.  The days that I push him and everyone around me away.  I wish there was a logical answer.

Yesterday I felt it was a good opportunity to send the boys out so I would have time to clean the bathrooms. It was something that I was procrastinating, and I have been on a roll this week, washing all of the laundry and the dishes. So let’s add that to my internal checklist of things of the domestic nature that has been completed.  

My partner, he felt I should go outside with him and my nephew. It was our only day off together after all. And the nephew will be going back to school.  

Knowing that I had this dreaded doctor’s appointment today, and pool playoffs tonight, I thought it was the only opportunity to get that chore done this week.

So, devil’s advocate.  What’s a girl to do?

Needless to say,  I chose the bathroom.  At that moment, I wanted to check that box off in my brain.  More than I wanted to spend time with my nephew.  

My partner then proceeded to give every reason why I should go with them. From rare Pokemon catching ops to saying that when my nephew starts back to school I won’t get to see him. He said he’d help me when we’d get back. But in that moment,  I pushed him away. I put my foot down and said no.  

It made me sick.  The whole time I was cleaning I wanted to hurl. I felt guilty and actually disgusted with myself that I chose cleaning over spending time with them.

But it felt good at the same time.  To give that procrastination a beatdown and actually have a clean bathroom really felt good. Once the boys came home we watched some Netflix and it was great.

When it comes to procrastination, I avoid what I need to do due to the fact I don’t like to do it.  But at times, it’s like tearing off a bandage, there are things you need to do that aren’t pleasurable but needed to be done.

Would the mess in the bathroom still have been there when we got back? Yes, but my desire to clean it would not.

Now I think I hear the doc approach.

The Feed

The doctor visit has been completed. Now I enjoy a burger and fries and some Sugar Ray. My prize for making it through the visit.

It’s easy to do what feels comfortable to you. What’s hard is leaving that comfort zone and doing what you want, or in some cases, need. It’s easy to repeat the same routine, and possibly, the same mistakes. Breaking out of that routine may be scary, but sometimes you have to jump. With no one to catch you, you’re scared you will fall to your death. But your knowledge and skills can be your wings and help you fly. You will never fly if you stay on the ground.  

Alright, the food is gone.  Time to bid you adieu and get home to get ready for playoffs.

Cheers and Stay Smiling!



3 thoughts on ““I Just Want to Fly!” 

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