Times a changing…

Today was my last session with my counsellor.  😦   She is retiring at the end of the month. It is hard to swallow.  I’ve been very open with her regarding some of my deepest emotions. It’s scary to have to go through all of that with someone else now. It’s only been maybe nine or ten months but I feel that a strong supporter is now gone. 

But I cannot let that ruin the progress that I have made.  It is so easy to slip back into negative thinking and experience negative emotions. I have to remember the skills I have acquired during my counselling as well as my group and challenge what I am thinking and saying.  It is harder than you can imagine to change your thought process.  And once you change that process to actually believe those realistic thoughts. 

These are skills that I am trying to strengthen.  I am strengthening.  I can’t discount the positives. 

Since I have been on this journey here are some things I have learned:

1) I make my own happiness.  I can’t depend on the situation or the people in my life to do it for me. 

2) Though it seems like there is no reason to feel like I do, it’s okay.  I am not a horrible person. I just have a few cracks that need to be glued back together. 

3) I am scared to do the hard work to get to where I want to be.  I’m scared to be a disappointment. If I fail I don’t know what I will have.

4) I need to work on deciphering some of the thoughts I have about myself and challenge them. And once I challenge them I have to believe that there is positivity to combat that negative thought. 

The mental health is just as important or more important than the physical health. No matter how your body looks or feels, it doesn’t matter if the mind is not caught up.  It’s easy to think negatively. Our society is filled with so much negativity that it’s hard to go without negative thoughts. 

But it’s time for me to combat it!  Time to fight my own psyche and say you know what! Sure I don’t have the perfect body or the ideal lifestyle.  I have three jobs and bills to show for it and not much else. But I am doing those jobs with everything I have whether I like them or not. I am making baby steps to change my eating habits and I have my boyfriend’s support, which is something I would never see. I am working towards strengthening my body and mind.  I am trying.  And slowly, I will succeed.

Time to bid adieu. Cheers

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