Time to Start Over

The new year is rapidly approaching. This is the time that many people make new years resolutions. Either to quit a bad habit or change a behavior.

For me, 2016 is the start of beginning to push myself to be the person I want to be. I want to be strong and mentally sound. I feel that starting this blog would be the way to motivate myself and perhaps inspire some others on the way to start changing their lifestyle and take control of their own life.

This blog is a way for me to vent and hold myself accountable for my lifestyle. If it’s in the public eye perhaps it will be a motivation for me.

So, for the rest of the week I will be indulging on some Christmas treats and a bit more fast food but for once January 1st comes,  I am leaving the past few years behind and am trying to take back control of my own body.

So this implies some background knowledge for my readers, if I ever get any.

This is fairly hard for me to write. Since childhood, it has been a struggle for me to feel like I  belong anywhere. I always felt like an outsider, an impostor on the world if you will.  I’m originally from a small town where the options were limited. I loved to read and write, and there weren’t really anyone who shared my passions. Because of this, I was teased when I was younger, and this really turned me into a loner. Between the kids teasing me at school and my sister reinforcing the teasing at home, it was hard to feel any support.

This got a little better in junior high and high school. However, it was rather the kids probably got bored teasing me and just went to ignoring me. I also gained a backbone and started to fight back with words rather than just shy away. When I did get together with “friends” it seemed fake. I didn’t want to do the majority of things, but it’s normal to want to go underage drinking with the “cool” kids or drive around with a couple of the guys. Or I thought it was.

It was one of the drawbacks of growing up in a small town. There were no cliques or groups to really try to fit into. Either you hung out with everyone or you hung out with no one. Or in my case, you just went outside with whoever would knock on the door just to say you went outside to please, who? My mother? That want for normalcy?

The closest to fitting in that I have ever felt is with my boyfriend. We’ve been together over nine years. But he’s had to deal with a lot of resistance from me to tell him things that I’m hoping this blog will bring to light. I need to make these changes for not only myself, but so I can be the best person I can be for him.

Which is why this year I finally went to seek help for my depression and anxiety. I have been seeking counselling and taken part in a group about coping with depression. Medication has also came into play but I try not to be dependent on that.

Since there is a genetic indicator for depression in my family, this has been something that keeps worrying me. I have been trying to mentor the mental, emotional side of myself that the physical side is lacking.

This blog is all about making me the best that I can be inside and out. Obviously I can’t quit all awful food cold turkey and go to the gym every day, but this blog is about getting to that point where I can find a balance for my mind, body, and spirit.

DUMBOPTIMIST… my cynicism that I can keep up with this. I really hope I prove myself wrong.

Cheers, and please keep my ass in check in the new year!



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